Improves!

It has been more than a year that I do not put my thought on blog. I just suddenly thinks about putting some thought or some memory about what I feel now per today.

I am pretty happy now, at least I felt much better compare to last year. I am happy because right now, I know a bit on what I really want to do.

Last year was pretty bad, because the man that I love just left me, work just awful, I lost my confident, I didn't have friends, etc. Pretty sad, but I have moved on and create a better life for myself. Life is getting better. I met more people, and there is more chance for me to meet the love of my life.

There is always a down that will shake your stomach and it hurts like hell. But that's where the fun is! :)

新年快樂!恭喜發財!萬事如意!

Hi everyone, I am happy to be here in Taipei on Chinese New Year. I decided to not going back home, to Jakarta, Indonesia. Simply, because I want to spend more time here in Taipei.

I am home alone here in Taipei. Without friends, because all of them decided to going home. I am not regretting my decision to not going home. I think I can make use of my time to explore my surroundings, without friends.

Lets not emphasize on the words "without friends", I am happy with or without friends. At least, I am trying too. Ahhahaha...I decided to make polvorone, but I haven't bought the materials yet. I will do it, maybe around 4 o'clock, because I would like to avoid the sun. I just had laser on last Wednesday, and my face is improving quite a lot. But I hope it last forever, because I read somewhere that it won't be permanently.

Right now it's a bit swollen, which make me looks chubbier and healthy skin. We will see in a month. Anyway, I am gonna make polvorone!! Yeayi!!

Being Happy

I was a bit annoyed by the fact that everyone seems so happy with their achievements. I have friends who just got a secondment in USA as an auditor of one of the big four. I should be happy right?

I do, a bit, but then I compare it to myself. What he wants is what I really want. Go to USA and become a professional auditor. Okay the last one isn't what I really want, but working in USA legally is what I dreamed of.

And then, I feel bad that I feel this way. I should be content on what I do have right now. I am doing good also, right?

Lets count on what I have:

1. I have a fantastic family, even though we never do the lovey dovey kind of gesture to show love but yeah we do love each other.
2. I still have job, at least in Taipei, even though I don't really like it but at least I have a job that can pay my bill. 
3. I have friends, but to be honest I think I keep losing my good friends. I know partly it is because my fault. I become lazy and lazier to taking care the friendship that I had because I am going down with my misery.
4. I am pretty. I do believe so, even though I have big nose and small boobs but I still consider my self as beautiful girl.

I listed down on what I have, that I should be happy of but I still lack something. Why I should happy when I believe that happiness is coming from when you have whatever you want. 

Can you be happy without everything that you wish you have. Why I need to pretend that I can be happy by not having what I really want. It is still my question even though I read the happiness project. Btw, the book was good and I don't have time to read it all, but overall it's quite a good book to read.

I can believe in pretending to be happy and lead in happiness in one condition that by pretend to be happy can bring me success, then I will pretend to be happy. 

But pretending to be happy is tiring. Have you ever pretend to be happy, and have you realized how difficult it is. 

I am still trying to find my way to be happy. YES, I want a acknowledgement and respect! that my source of happiness. MAYBE!

Or I want to be love by a guy, my prince charming that will just do what ever to make me happy and seeing me happy is what his only wish. 

I neglect this blog for quite a time, and I also have no idea why I do this. At first, I thought I can earn money by doing the blogging. But I get really lazy to do so and update on what I wear or what I have ate. Ughh..that's difficult.

I know what I write is going to far from the title of on how being happy. But maybe, writing it all will give me some chance later to look back how I feel when the mellow mode strike me.

writing is easy they said I

Writing is never been easy for me. I hate writing, and I never passionate about it. It might be related on how I don't like to read. I thought that I am just a normal person that don't like to read because reading are for "the one", some one who just born with love with books.

I just don't like to read, thus I made lots of excuses. But it starts to change, I just know that I need to find the book I am passionate about because I am not at the stage where I can digest everything that I read yet.

I found that I am still struggling to find who am I and what I want to be in my life, and that kind of book that will interest me the most.

I still want to improve myself as a better person, and that kind of book will steal my attention from TV.

Back to the title about writing.

Then, I decided to give it a try, here in this long forgotten blog about me. I try to write because I've read a lot for this past week. Lets give it a try, and it supposed to be a lot of easier after five visit reports that I made this past week, I said to myself.

It's not easy and it's never been easy when I tried to put the best arrangements of words that can move people. This would be a trial part one of my writing. It will improves some day, and I am getting better with this, I believe.

Just Jealous

I just had a chat with my friends on what we gonna do next. One of my friend already bored to death, and felt that his career just there and won't improve. It's true though, I was thinking that mine is the same. You may say that I am a person that really jealous on people's happiness rather than be happy for them for real (sometimes I do happy for others).

I felt bad about how I feel. I try to avoid facebook, so I won't see people's happiness and be jealous for it. It's killing me, I know that I need to change and move forward to find my happiness rather than watch people's happiness and hoping it happens to me but do nothing. 

Am I too Sensitive?

I cried a lot. Even a bit disappointment can lead to tears on my eyes or ninja just slices onion near me. I was so mad at someone today. It is quite often already, I don't like to argue with her because it is definitely useless but I cried!

I was so angry but I can't show it to her and it manifest to a tears on my eyes. I wish I have stronger personality, I easily to break.

I am like a kid, I don't even think I am suit for tough working environment. The worst happened was I had tears on my eyes, in front of my boss!! I think I cried once also, I know it's not a good thing because you will be seen as weak but I can't control my how I felt.

If anyone know how to handle this, please let me know.

T.T

Selamat Hari Valentin :)

I wasn't realize today is Valentine's day till my friend asked me for a dinner. I thought why so sudden she asked me for a dinner because it's not weekend. Mmmm....yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh..sure Valentine's day with friends! Sounds good!! ^^

We ate at NY Bagel Cafe. I didn't take picture on what I eat because I haven't use to do that. I will do next time :)

Happy Valentine's Day!! ^^