Being Happy

I was a bit annoyed by the fact that everyone seems so happy with their achievements. I have friends who just got a secondment in USA as an auditor of one of the big four. I should be happy right?

I do, a bit, but then I compare it to myself. What he wants is what I really want. Go to USA and become a professional auditor. Okay the last one isn't what I really want, but working in USA legally is what I dreamed of.

And then, I feel bad that I feel this way. I should be content on what I do have right now. I am doing good also, right?

Lets count on what I have:

1. I have a fantastic family, even though we never do the lovey dovey kind of gesture to show love but yeah we do love each other.
2. I still have job, at least in Taipei, even though I don't really like it but at least I have a job that can pay my bill. 
3. I have friends, but to be honest I think I keep losing my good friends. I know partly it is because my fault. I become lazy and lazier to taking care the friendship that I had because I am going down with my misery.
4. I am pretty. I do believe so, even though I have big nose and small boobs but I still consider my self as beautiful girl.

I listed down on what I have, that I should be happy of but I still lack something. Why I should happy when I believe that happiness is coming from when you have whatever you want. 

Can you be happy without everything that you wish you have. Why I need to pretend that I can be happy by not having what I really want. It is still my question even though I read the happiness project. Btw, the book was good and I don't have time to read it all, but overall it's quite a good book to read.

I can believe in pretending to be happy and lead in happiness in one condition that by pretend to be happy can bring me success, then I will pretend to be happy. 

But pretending to be happy is tiring. Have you ever pretend to be happy, and have you realized how difficult it is. 

I am still trying to find my way to be happy. YES, I want a acknowledgement and respect! that my source of happiness. MAYBE!

Or I want to be love by a guy, my prince charming that will just do what ever to make me happy and seeing me happy is what his only wish. 

I neglect this blog for quite a time, and I also have no idea why I do this. At first, I thought I can earn money by doing the blogging. But I get really lazy to do so and update on what I wear or what I have ate. Ughh..that's difficult.

I know what I write is going to far from the title of on how being happy. But maybe, writing it all will give me some chance later to look back how I feel when the mellow mode strike me.